In response to the many questions seeking answers to, “what next?”, JSO offers the following thoughts, observations and suggestions based on input from you. At the end, we also provide important information about the
Your attorney should be there. Scroll to bottom for details.
The Court Is A Family Too.
Recognize this, work with it, and you can strengthen your presentation towards achieving a positive outcome for your child(ren).
As you know, Judges are extremely reluctant to reflect negatively on their peer’s rulings or conduct. Just as a sibling is a public ally and doesn’t dis other siblings publicly though can disagree and fight terribly in private. The remaining 4 Plymouth County Justices naturally are working hard to uphold the dignity and integrity of the courts (their siblings and family).
In court, attorneys refer to each other as ‘brother’ and ‘sister’. Judges address the attorneys in a paternal tone moderating the sibling like feud. Your day in court is about a well planned family feud – not yours. You provide details and needs, but the attorneys are usually motivated by how they are going to “win” in the eyes of their parent (the Judge). You are billed and owe them money regardless of how the outcome impacts you. Thus, your day in court is often only just a little bit about you.
Which attorney will fight in the manner most likely to appeal to a particular Justice’s historical leanings is first and foremost in the attorney’s strategy. And sometimes they lie. Yes, some attorneys lie, parents lie too. The Board of Bar Overseers verbally confirms a certain amount of lying is tolerated. The Judge has to decide who to believe and how much to believe. Attorneys train for this. They have careers to protect, their own families to feed, in some cases perhaps, aspiring to the paternal role of Justice themselves. You and your family needs are just one more case, one more step. The attorney’s needs for peer respect and parental approval, will always, by human nature, come first.
Surprised? How can you get someone to truly advocate for you and your family?
Give the attorney something to work with that helps them shine. A commitment to providing for your children first with civility towards the other parent – regardless of how deep the hurt and anger - is a good place to start. Many attorneys tell you this up front, but it can be hard to hear when you’re feeling attacked, abandoned…
You and your family will be wise to consider that you are now before a court system (family) in the grieving and healing process. While you and your family seek help from a family of legal practitioners and court officials, you are entering into a world that is rebuilding itself. You will be wise to recognize their need for dignity and opportunity for healing and growth as you request, or demand of them justice for yourself and your children.
Translation – don’t dis the Judge that’s gone.
Consider offering your family needs up as an opportunity for your attorney and the court to shine and succeed. By keeping the needs, rights, and true best interest of your children at the forefront of every negotiation – everyone wins. Opposing attorneys have the opportunity to come together as supportive siblings – before their parent Judge who will have no greater honor than supporting agreements that truly provide for the children equitably, with consideration for variances in income, for the non financial contributions of each parent in raising the children, for preserving the children’s lifestyles to the extent possible (BOTH parent’s lifestyles may change).
Remember, you two adults are the two deciding your children are going through divorce. Your children were brought here by you and are entitled to the opportunity to grow up in healthy, supportive environments. You two adults best serve yourselves by serving your children and acting like adults. Provide for them first.
We can’t avoid the reality that for some, too many, revenge is a primary motivator.
If you are motivated by anger and vengeance, thus seek to punish the other parent – stick to fueling the fires of the current adversarial approach. You will most certainly succeed in beating each other up and the courts will have to try and sort through your negativity. Your children will sense the anger, bitterness, selfishness, all the while picking up on your negative role modeling. They will not likely be treated with the respect their needs and rights deserve in court or at one or the other parent’s homes and you will be in court year after year – spending and losing thousands and thousands of dollars and hours of research for how to better beat up the other spouse, never reaching closure, stuck in deepening anger for decades –this is the type of case our former Justice would get caught up in and ultimately foundered.
Your Life, Your Choice, Your Children.
You two parents have the most important roles in avoiding this nightmare. You have the choice, the responsibility, the opportunity to accept and move on from your hurt. You two can choose to focus on the beauty, wonder and opportunity of your children by providing the best you can for them. You can choose an attorney who truly advocates for the children – and may have to tell you to back off if you begin to slide into vengeance. One who will certainly confront the opposing attorney with backing off if they appear to be approaching vengeance.
The rewards of keeping focus on the best interest of the children can be generations long. And your personal life may well become better than ever dreamed and expected before.
Shhhh we’re blowing away long standing stereotypes about divorcés and single parenting by letting the secret out … life after divorce, while often hard, can be grand indeed! Getting rid of stresses - Very Liberating! Oh yes, your kids will notice too. Your pre-adolescent suddenly playing catch with you is fun again. School day secrets, dreams and challenges once again shared, oppressive constraining living environments eliminated. A smaller single parent house can be a much healthier, happier house – especially when the other parent is at least on the surface, respected and treated fairly. Whoa, that’s worth it!
We still lack a lot of details on how cases are being handled. The tone of Justices handling re-assigned cases etc. We know that court scheduling is tight. Dates are not flexible. Time will tell more.
Learn who your new Judge is, call the courthouse in
508-747-6911. Courthouse says a mailing will go out, but they weren’t sure when.
Ask your attorney – Is s/he attending the following IMPORTANT event?
Hosted by PLYMOUTH COUNTY BAR ASSOCIATION
PROBATE AND FAMILY COURT JUDGES’ ROUNDTABLE
Wednesday, June 25, 2008, 4:30 – 7:00 PM,
All 4 Justices are the panelists!!!!! Excellent opportunity to observe peers and hear differences from each Justice. Your attorney participation can be the key to your family’s success in court.
Seminar described as a MUST for finding out the latest in case law re: antenuptial agreements, grandparent visitation, attorney’s fees, new child support guidelines, guardianships and equity matters.
Fees: $40.00 for members, $50.00 at the door, $60.00 non members, $75.00 non-member with credit towards membership. Not open to the public. Send check to:
Attorney Susan Ryan
Education Committee Co-Chair
